Sunday, January 06, 2008

Growing pains


  1. an infant or very young child.
  2. a newborn or very young animal.
  3. the youngest member of a family, group, etc.
  4. an immature or childish person.
  5. a human fetus.
  6. Informal. (a. Sometimes Disparaging and Offensive, a girl or woman, esp. an attractive one. b. a person of whom one is deeply fond; sweetheart. c. (sometimes initial capital letter) an affectionate or familiar address (sometimes offensive when used to strangers, casual acquaintances, subordinates, etc., esp. by a male to a female). d. a man or boy; chap; fellow: He's a tough baby to have to deal with. e. an invention, creation, project, or the like that requires one's special attention or expertise or of which one is especially proud. f. an object; thing: Is that car there your baby?)
Really the only one that applies to me is #3. I'm not terribly young, i'm not an animal, i'm not immature or childish (yes i'm silly, but that's in my free time: when i work, i work, when i worship, i worship, and when i play, i play), i'm born, and nobody actually calls me baby (and i like it that way).

  1. Informal. a child or young person.
  2. (used as a familiar form of address.)
  3. a young goat.
  4. leather made from the skin of a kid or goat, used in making shoes and gloves.
  5. a glove made from this leather.
Or as an adjective, Informal, younger, his kid sister.

I'm only the adjective one. I'm not a child anymore. Well, in some senses of the word.


  1. a person between birth and full growth; a boy or girl: books for children.
  2. a son or daughter: All my children are married.
  3. a baby or infant.
  4. a human fetus.
  5. a childish person: He's such a child about money.
  6. a descendant: a child of an ancient breed.
  7. any person or thing regarded as the product or result of particular agencies, influences, etc.: Abstract art is a child of the 20th century.
  8. a person regarded as conditioned or marked by a given circumstance, situation, etc.: a child of poverty; a child of famine.
  9. British Dialect Archaic. a female infant.
  10. Achaic. CHILDE. (a youth of noble birth)
That one i guess is a little better. I am "all grown up" in the physical sense. Perhaps a half inch or so left, but that's it. I'm a daughter, true. But i'm not a baby or infant, once again: i'm born, i'm not childish. I suppose i am a descendant. I'm not sure about #7. I can't think of any big thing that identifies me like poverty or famine. I'm still not an infant. And not so much the last one.

I'm sure being the oldest or the middle sibling is very hard, but so is being the last one. I have to watch everybody else grow up, and then i'm not allowed to for another couple years. If i'm being immature then i get a glare and a sigh, and i feel horrible and try to act like i'm supposed to, like whoever it is i'm with are acting. But then i'm left behind when it comes to age, because i just can't change that. It doesn't help that i'm tall; then i'm always stuck with people my height but older, or my age but shorter. Also it makes most activities harder. Long legs aren't good for much if you don't want to run. I've grown to be more mature than the average [my age]-year-old. I don't think i've ever been seriously told to act my age. I watch all my friends and family go and get jobs and go to college and drive and get married, and i'm stuck back here, seemingly the same as ever. I don't like feeling like the stupid one, like i wasn't good enough to be in this piano book, or nobody trusts me to work with groceries or ham. And people think i'm so lucky, the "responsibility-free one." I've never gotten to tell people what to do, either.

(these, by the way, are the sort of thoughts that go through my mind in the middle of the night.)

Another dumb thing is i'm never the best. At anything. If i'm good at it, a sibling or a friend is better, or even just has had more experience. What do i do? I read: Mostly Amanda and Nat and M have that covered. I write: There's Nat and M. I sing: Amanda. I play the piano: Amanda, Nat, Anna. I play the organ: Amanda, Anna. I'm learning German: Amanda. Jujutsu: Nat. I'm a student: It feels like everybody works harder than me in that respect. I've been told what a good student Naomi was, even when she hated the subject. I've heard the story about Naomi handing in a paper she really didn't like to write, that got an A only because the teacher couldn't fault it.

So an answer at this point is to work harder and catch up. Yeah, yeah. I've been trying ever since i can remember. It's not working.

Another one is to go into some hobby or school subject that nobody i knows is doing; the problem with that is that i'm just interested in the picked-over activity. I already know probably what i'm going to major in: Music Education or English Composition. I don't think there's such a thing as ground-breaking piano-teaching. And i really can't write the ground-breaking novel that will surpass all others. I'll write for a day, and think, Hey, i've done good work today. Maybe someday i will be one of the best. Then i talk to certain other people (some of whom happen to read my blog), and they wrote three times as much today, and it makes mine look like heirlooms (see previous post).

I'm not posting this for sympathy, this is just how i feel. So please, please don't call me kid, or child, or some synonym.

EDITS: Suffice it to say i am a teen.

I really am a baby in another respect: a crybaby. If you say you've never seen me cry, that's good. I am getting better. But it still feels like the slightest thing sets me off.


  1. first off i used "kid" in the #2 sense, and i call everyone that. just so you know.

    being young but tall has its advantages. you see if everyone in a group is older than you you can get them to do things for you, such as drive you places and buy you things off TV.

    oh, and: sympathy.

  2. Everything you said is true and now I have an excuse for another blog post!

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  5. per·son /ˈpɜrsən/

    1. a human being, whether man, woman, or child: The table seats four persons.
    2. a human being as distinguished from an animal or a thing.
    3. Sociology. an individual human being, esp. with reference to his or her social relationships and behavioral patterns as conditioned by the culture.
    4. Philosophy. a self-conscious or rational being.
    5. the actual self or individual personality of a human being: You ought not to generalize, but to consider the person you are dealing with.
    6. the body of a living human being, sometimes including the clothes being worn: He had no money on his person.
    7. the body in its external aspect: an attractive person to look at.
    8. a character, part, or role, as in a play or story.
    9. an individual of distinction or importance.
    10. a person not entitled to social recognition or respect.
    11. Law. a human being (natural person) or a group of human beings, a corporation, a partnership, an estate, or other legal entity (artificial person or juristic person) recognized by law as having rights and duties.
    12. Grammar. a category found in many languages that is used to distinguish between the speaker of an utterance and those to or about whom he or she is speaking. In English there are three persons in the pronouns, the first represented by I and we, the second by you, and the third by he, she, it, and they. Most verbs have distinct third person singular forms in the present tense, as writes; the verb be has, in addition, a first person singular form am.
    13. Theology. any of the three hypostases or modes of being in the Trinity, namely the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.
    14. be one's own person, to be free from restrictions, control, or dictatorial influence: Now that she's working, she feels that she's her own person.
    15. in person, in one's own bodily presence; personally: Applicants are requested to apply in person.

    in·di·vid·u·al /ˌɪndəˈvɪdʒuəl/

    1. a single human being, as distinguished from a group.
    2. a person: a strange individual.
    3. a distinct, indivisible entity; a single thing, being, instance, or item.
    4. a group considered as a unit.
    5. Biology.
    a. a single organism capable of independent existence.
    b. a member of a compound organism or colony.
    6. Cards. a duplicate-bridge tournament in which each player plays the same number of hands in partnership with every other player, individual scores for each player being kept for each hand.
    7. single; particular; separate: to number individual copies of a limited edition.
    8. intended for the use of one person only: to serve individual portions of a pizza.
    9. of, pertaining to, or characteristic of a particular person or thing: individual tastes.
    10. distinguished by special, singular, or markedly personal characteristics; exhibiting unique or unusual qualities: a highly individual style of painting.
    11. existing as a distinct, indivisible entity, or considered as such; discrete: individual parts of a tea set.
    12. of which each is different or of a different design from the others: a set of individual coffee cups.

    ad·o·les·cent /ˌædlˈɛsənt/

    1. growing to manhood or womanhood; youthful.
    2. having the characteristics of adolescence or of an adolescent.
    3. an adolescent person.

  6. Definition \Def`i*ni"tion\, n. [L. definitio: cf. F.
    1. The act of defining; determination of the limits; as, a
    telescope accurate in definition.
    [1913 Webster]

    2. Act of ascertaining and explaining the signification; a
    description of a thing by its properties; an explanation
    of the meaning of a word or term; as, the definition of
    "circle;" the definition of "wit;" an exact definition; a
    loose definition.
    [1913 Webster]

    Definition being nothing but making another
    understand by words what the term defined stands
    for. --Locke.
    [1913 Webster]

    3. Description; sort. [R.] "A new creature of another
    definition." --Jer. Taylor.
    [1913 Webster]

    4. (Logic) An exact enunciation of the constituents which
    make up the logical essence.
    [1913 Webster]

    5. (Opt.) Distinctness or clearness, as of an image formed by
    an optical instrument; precision in detail.

  7. In other news, my point, Margaret, is that you fit almost all of the definitions of the words I provided. There's no need for you to limit yourself to words like child, baby, etc, which may feel negative or at least annoying. You are the youngest of your family, true, but you should just do what I do and pay attention to the positive aspects of that and ignore the negative aspects. If it seems like there are no positive aspects then ignore it all together. Be a person or a human or an individual instead of a child. Or be a sister instead of a daughter, or be Pokey or Magsplat. Whichever fits your mood and your need and whichever feels most comfortable for that time of day. If you look at yourself and find that you are too young for something then do something else and try again later, maybe you'll be older. When all else fails just read a book, because books are awesome. (And when someone annoys you, write a story about them dying. Why not?)

    Oh, and I added "adolescent" to remind you of the fact that most people go through what you're going through now, which I remind you of just in case you were starting to not be annoyed with me.

  8. I know how you feel. I have the perfect older brother, and nothing I do will ever be able to compete with him.

    And it's better to be tall than short, like me. It's excruciatingly annoying to be mistaken for a nine-year-old all the time.

    Buck up. You'll be the same age as them in a few years. Plus, it's good to observe older people, and figure out what sort of things they do that you shouldn't when you're that age.