Baby:- an infant or very young child.
- a newborn or very young animal.
- the youngest member of a family, group, etc.
- an immature or childish person.
- a human fetus.
- Informal. (a. Sometimes Disparaging and Offensive, a girl or woman, esp. an attractive one. b. a person of whom one is deeply fond; sweetheart. c. (sometimes initial capital letter) an affectionate or familiar address (sometimes offensive when used to strangers, casual acquaintances, subordinates, etc., esp. by a male to a female). d. a man or boy; chap; fellow: He's a tough baby to have to deal with. e. an invention, creation, project, or the like that requires one's special attention or expertise or of which one is especially proud. f. an object; thing: Is that car there your baby?)
Really the only one that applies to me is #3. I'm not terribly young, i'm not an animal, i'm not immature or childish (yes i'm silly, but that's in my free time: when i work, i work, when i worship, i worship, and when i play, i play), i'm born, and nobody actually calls me baby (and i like it that way).
Kid:- Informal. a child or young person.
- (used as a familiar form of address.)
- a young goat.
- leather made from the skin of a kid or goat, used in making shoes and gloves.
- a glove made from this leather.
Or as an adjective,
Informal, younger,
his kid sister.
I'm only the adjective one. I'm not a child anymore. Well, in some senses of the word.
Child:- a person between birth and full growth; a boy or girl: books for children.
- a son or daughter: All my children are married.
- a baby or infant.
- a human fetus.
- a childish person: He's such a child about money.
- a descendant: a child of an ancient breed.
- any person or thing regarded as the product or result of particular agencies, influences, etc.: Abstract art is a child of the 20th century.
- a person regarded as conditioned or marked by a given circumstance, situation, etc.: a child of poverty; a child of famine.
- British Dialect Archaic. a female infant.
- Achaic. CHILDE. (a youth of noble birth)
That one i guess is a little better. I am "all grown up" in the physical sense. Perhaps a half inch or so left, but that's it. I'm a daughter, true. But i'm not a baby or infant, once again: i'm born, i'm not childish. I suppose i am a descendant. I'm not sure about #7. I can't think of any big thing that identifies me like poverty or famine. I'm still not an infant. And not so much the last one.
I'm sure being the oldest or the middle sibling is very hard, but so is being the last one. I have to watch everybody else grow up, and then i'm not allowed to for another couple years. If i'm being immature then i get a glare and a sigh, and i feel horrible and try to act like i'm supposed to, like whoever it is i'm with are acting. But then i'm left behind when it comes to age, because i just can't change that. It doesn't help that i'm tall; then i'm always stuck with people my height but older, or my age but shorter. Also it makes most activities harder. Long legs aren't good for much if you don't want to run. I've grown to be more mature than the average [my age]-year-old. I don't think i've ever been seriously told to act my age. I watch all my friends and family go and get jobs and go to college and drive and get married, and i'm stuck back here, seemingly the same as ever. I don't like feeling like the stupid one, like i wasn't good enough to be in this piano book, or nobody trusts me to work with groceries or ham. And people think i'm so lucky, the "responsibility-free one." I've never gotten to tell people what to do, either.
(these, by the way, are the sort of thoughts that go through my mind in the middle of the night.)
Another dumb thing is i'm never the best. At anything. If i'm good at it, a sibling or a friend is better, or even just has had more experience. What do i do? I read: Mostly Amanda and Nat and M have that covered. I write: There's Nat and M. I sing: Amanda. I play the piano: Amanda, Nat, Anna. I play the organ: Amanda, Anna. I'm learning German: Amanda. Jujutsu: Nat. I'm a student: It feels like everybody works harder than me in that respect. I've been told what a good student Naomi was, even when she hated the subject. I've heard the story about Naomi handing in a paper she really didn't like to write, that got an A only because the teacher couldn't fault it.
So an answer at this point is to work harder and catch up. Yeah, yeah. I've been trying ever since i can remember. It's
not working.Another one is to go into some hobby or school subject that nobody i knows is doing; the problem with that is that i'm just interested in the picked-over activity. I already know probably what i'm going to major in: Music Education or English Composition. I don't think there's such a thing as ground-breaking piano-teaching. And i really can't write the ground-breaking novel that will surpass all others. I'll write for a day, and think,
Hey, i've done good work today. Maybe someday i will be one of the best. Then i talk to certain other people (some of whom happen to read my blog), and they wrote three times as much today, and it makes mine look like heirlooms (see previous post).
I'm not posting this for sympathy, this is just how i feel. So please,
please don't call me kid, or child, or some synonym.
EDITS: Suffice it to say i am a teen.
I really am a baby in another respect: a crybaby. If you say you've never seen me cry, that's good. I am getting better. But it still feels like the slightest thing sets me off.