- "I can kill you a thousand different ways. How does that make you feel?" (Robin)
- “Hand me your purse, or I’ll drink this cappuccino right in front of you, and you won’t get a drop!” (Squishy)
- "Soon the whole world will fall to my power and the pants factories will all be closed down and no more will their evil spread through the land" (Nick)
- "You're not dead yet? Wait." (Robin)
- “Tell me where the money is, or I’ll make you go to your orthodontist appointment, and I won’t let you brush first.” (Squishy)
- “The worms will eat your body very slowly, yes.” (Me)
This week's contest: Bad Hallmark cards.
Example: Sorry for the loss of your loved one. Are you free on Saturday?