Thursday, August 28, 2008

I really, really like to breathe

I think this is a good way to start out explaining why I like cold more than hot. Like Nat, but not so extreme. There have been - frequently enough - time in church when I've felt about to faint. The symptoms are pretty clear: Hot (often a cause, actually), my breath starts going out, weak, and if I stick it out long enough, black dots. That's when I sit down, and it goes away, and often I go get a little water from the drinking fountain, and it's okay. Now, the heat was there before; it might've been what caused it, along with a few things like not having slept a full night's sleep the night before, or even the one before that, and sometimes the wine from communion makes me feel a bit uneven too. I'm not used to being a strong person, so the weakness isn't much, I just lean on the pew a bit more. The black dots aren't alarming any more. They're not really dots, either, just kinda vague spots that I can't focus on that get bigger and connect if I let them. (I dreamt skin cancer was like this once.) But the breathlessness is seriously annoying at least.

People here know I sing. I daresay I sing fairly well, and I really enjoy it. (Really really a lot.) Now when we're getting to the Service of the Sacrament and I can't hold a breath big enough for a phrase, I'm between a rock and a hard place: Either I stop singing, or I sit down. I don't want to do either at that part, which is the most common part for me to feel woozy.

Recently I have been in the position to stick my head halfway out the window while driving, and it was amazing. All that wind going by, so quickly I had to close my eyes for all the watering and plug my ears for fear of a headache (I got a nasty wind headache in Chicago at 2 am once); and I couldn't stop breathing. Not only was it cold, which is when I can really feel the breath in-out-in-out, but it really wanted me to breathe it.

It's late. My vocabulary and spelling are dissolfing (purposeful), so I'm going to bed. Maybe sometime I can talk about another plus to having the window down, aka why I get depressed wearing sunglasses.


  1. But sunglasses are awesome! Even if they do occasionally cause dissolftion.

  2. one day when I was torch bearer in May at a funeral. As you know we don't have AC and with the three layers of long think sleeves I got very very warm and my vision got all blurry and turned black and I started to fall forward like a log then Zach while holding the crucifix grabbed my head with one hand and stopped me from falling took the torch and told me to go get a drink. I still couldn't see and had to use my hands to find the water fountain. Once i got water my eyesight cleared and I could walk without looking drunk but i still felt really weak during the service

  3. Yeah, the first time it happened to me I was acolyte.

  4. Um, was that acolyte comment referring to reality?

  5. Nat: Yes, sunglasses are awesome. I hope someday I can overcome this current view. (No pun intended.)

    Moria: Yes. Or at least, I really really think it happened.