Sunday, March 23, 2008

make me stop looking at vintage sewing patterns

This lady in purple here thinks you killed her friend, and is wishing she'd put on MORE mascara, and earrings that actually WERE bigger than her ear. Close, but not quite. You can see how she hates you, how she just itches to take a glove and slap you across the face with it before grabbing a sword from some unknown place. Probably behind that huge, modern painting in the background. She won't though, because you interrupted her going out. She must be somewhere. Another time, perhaps she can avenge her friend, but now she can only stare. The one on the right thinks she's better than you, because she has a huge brain. She's probably right, but we'll never stop laughing long enough to care. I need a hat like that.

What are these guys thinking?
The one on the left: Let's take stock: I've got my best foot planted firmly
forward, my lemon colored suit with a breast pocket *as well as* hip
pockets, one hand in a pocket, one reaching nonchalantly behind for
the gun, and the mysterious smudgy halo. Ah good, I have the largest
one. Now I must be sly as I turn to shoot the legendary Robert L.
Green. Of course, I can't untilt my head or I'll bonk it right into
the words.

Middle: Man! I *knew* I shouldn't've worn my rich, silk burgendy tie?
shirtthing? and handkerchief with my matching black suit, I should've
worn my sickly brown plaid pants and gray jacket! Oh the humanity. At
least my hair is so handsomely curled.

Right: No one can get me now. That's right, they can't even see an
edge of my eye. I'm ready, be it mafia or disco. Nobody's gonna pull a
gun on me.

Also, i think the middle on has some sort of pocket complex going.

Does Red have half a golf club? Why are they so squinty? I think Black cut Red's pants to the silly height they are now, and is laughing at him for that. Red is unaware of his silly appearance, but is naïve and dim, and is laughing with Black because if Black is happy, it must be something that's good for Red too. (I'm ignoring the cigarettes because i think this was back before they know it was bad for them. If not, those are twigs painted white.)

Lefty is an airhead and is watching a birdie. She doesn't know she's about to step off something (a cliff, maybe). Righty just realized she dropped something, and is wondering how to pick it up without getting her plaid circus tents in the dirt. The clowns would get tangled with the lion-tamers, the midgets in bearded lady's beard, and it would just be a phenomenal mess.

The mother in the blue shirt was just leaning in to lecture one of her daughters, when she stopped to smile at the one she likes, the one who's surprised because of this surprise birthday party. The unloved daughter in stripes is furious because they're twins and she's not having a birthday. But she's very polite and will not set fire to the presents, however much she wants to. But if her best friend's brother "happens" to do it, well…

Oh dear. Ohhhh dear.
First of all, Red Belt just got a crew cut. She's pining. Gold Sash is walking through that immensely slushy slush we got yesterday. You can see with her pants pulled up and her pretending not to. She's tip-toeing. And Big Gold Buckle has no excuse. I think she's just remembering that she dressed wrong, as this looks terrible in any activity. Gah. So- ugly- can't- look- directly- at it-

1 comment:

  1. Encore! This is hilarious. You've GOT to do this more often. It just lightens the whole day.

    It brings back memories of Elle and I discussing the hundreds of patterns Grandma gave us too. I wish I still had time to do that!